I’m not having one, but Wil Wheaton is…
Is it a midlife crisis? I doubt it; I have no desire to grow a ponytail and buy a sports car . . . but I sure would like to get a MAME cabinet and spend about two weeks just watching movies and reading books. Is that how geeks have their midlife crisis? Maybe we buy a faster computer and go on a Think Geek shopping spree.
WWdN: In Exile
crossposted to LJ
From The Daily OM
To a certain degree, we rely on other people’s accounts of reality to inform us of the nature of the universe. For example, we can’t all be molecular physicists, but we can benefit from taking their findings to heart. In the same way, we often look to teachers, various leaders, and gurus to tell us about the path to enlightenment and the nature of the realm of spirit. While this input from experts is undeniably valuable, our own sense of the truth is ultimately the most important piece in processing the information we take in from external sources. In the end, we are the authorities in our own lives, and we have the final say on whether something generally held as true is true for us.
I know when I am and am not complaining. However, I am perceived as complaining more than I do, because I am only verbalizing part of an ongoing internal conversation. Maybe I ought to examine my delivery…
I think it’s because I have trouble talking to other people in a normal conversational manner.
For someone who had a fairly good weekend all told I am starting out the summer season very depressed and angry. Part of it, at least, is the same old shit…too much to do, not enough time to do it, nobody loves me and I’m gonna eat worms and die.
I need someone to talk to…I actually have friends I could talk to, but I can’t…I tried to talk to Heather and she understands, but she doesn’t really. I’m not sure Rebecca would understand. I saw Michael this weekend, long enough for a smooch and a hug, but not such else…
Part of my problem is that I am not very good at family…I feel cut off most of the time, always have. It’s not that I am not loved or wanted, I am … I have trouble believing it sometimes. The handfasting is coming up… and I really do want it. It’s about fucking time that Marcey is official. At the same time, she makes assumptions about how it will change our relationships and it won’t. Not at all. That was part of the fight that we had for 3 hours yesterday, she and I and TC, in the car on the way to Joliet. I knew it was coming, which is why I didn’t want to go and why I went to help moderate between her and TC.
She takes on things, and sets herself up, and then when she gets burnt out she wants to drop the responsibility but not the power. Of course, when she drops the responsibility it has to fall someplace and it’s going to fall on me. Which is not going to help either our relationship or my mood.
Cheron and I had a disagreement today about family and commitment (well I had a disagreement…I don’t think she knew it happened.) She is as committed to Marcey as she is to the rest of us, which is not very fucking committed. It’s okay. TC says it’s okay. Sean says it’s okay. Marcey is as committed to Cheron as Cheron is to Marcey, but she wouldn’t admit it.
The worst thing about both of the above fights is that the things I dislike and resent in other people are the things I hate most about myself. Gotta work on that.
